Breaking up is hard to do, is how the song goes, and it is absolutely correct. Breakups are never easy, they can be messy and leave you broken and deeply hurt. Especially having children involved, it can make things more complicated and much harder on you and them emotionally. But you can find your strength again, and we are here to help you navigate the cold lonely waters you find yourself in after a breakup. Read on for how to find that strength you need to move on, rebuild and emerge like a Phoenix from the ashes.
I have been on the breakup ride quite a few times, and none of those times were fun. I have spent many nights crying until I couldn’t cry anymore and feeling like I will never be loved or wanted. When you get dumped, it’s pretty much the worst thing ever. It’s like a knife straight into your heart that twists as it keeps going deeper.
Or, if you’re the dumpee (more power to you girlfriend!) then I’m sure that has it’s painful moments as well. The point is, ending a relationship with someone, whether it be a boyfriend you’ve been dating for 6 months, or your husband of 10 or even 20 years, breaking up is never going to be a happy moment in your life.
So how do you keep yourself from totally falling apart? How to get out of bed to take care of your kids? Or even find the strength to take another breath? You won’t find all the answers, and every situation and relationship is different, but you will find your way. Trust me, you will. It may not be right away, and you will probably keep feeling awful and full of pain for a long time. But, there will come a day when the pain dissipates, the anger fades, and you start to see past it.
Here are some tips that will help that day come, possibly sooner than you think.
Acceptance - One of the first things you need to do after going through a breakup is to simply accept the situation and its realities. Understand, respect, and accept that the relationship is over. No matter who’s fault it is, or no matter what happened. That’s it. It’s over.
It’s a tough pill to swallow I know, but swallow it you must. This doesn’t need to happen immediately, it is very important that you take the time to grieve. Give yourself time to cry in your gallon of ice cream and allow all the emotions to occur as they come naturally. This could be days, weeks, or even a few months. But after you’ve had some time to face the grief, that’s when the acceptance needs to happen.
Rediscover Yourself - That may sound a bit cheesy, but often times being in a relationship can cause you to lose yourself a little as you settle into a life being so connected to another person. Sharing dreams, goals, children, love. They say some couples even begin to take on one another's personalities, and even start to look alike! I’ve seen it! It’s a real thing!
Even if you were not together for very long, there will still be things that changed you or made you compromise or give up certain things that were once important to you. Now is the time to remember who you were before the relationship began and rediscover your true self, as you are on your own.
New Surroundings - Another big step to take after a breakup is to change your surroundings. Some options would be to move. Move to a new city, a new house, or just get new furniture, or even change jobs. If those are too big and are things you can’t currently do, then aim smaller. Ever heard of “revenge hair?” Go get yourself a new trendy hairstyle, buy some new clothes, start a new workout program, or continue your education. Take new classes, join a club, reach out to the singles program at your church, or just do something you’ve always wanted to do. Like go on a trip by yourself, go river rafting, or skydiving. The options are endless. Take control of your life. Make a few changes, whether big or small and enjoy something new.
Hold Tight To Your Friends - During this tough time in your life, having your friends around to love and support you is a true blessing. Make sure you reach out to those closest to you, and open up to them, let them into your heartache and you might be surprised with the outpouring of love you receive. Don’t forget to show them how much you appreciate them and make time to spend with them. Go out as a group to the movies, to the lake, or have a BBQ. Or just grab your BFF and go have a fun girls night out. Laugh and enjoy time with your friends, and you will certainly start to feel stronger!
Get Back Out There - I know, this is not what you want to hear right now, and trust me this is going to take some time. But the day will come when you feel ready to get back out there and dive back into the dating pool. Or...you may not. You may decide the healthiest and most stable thing for you and your kids is to stay single. Whatever you feel you are ready for, go ahead to go for it. Sign up for one of the many dating sites online, or meet up with the guy your cousin wants to set you up with for a drink. Or just love and embrace the single life. Just get back out there, whatever that means to you! Find your way, and find someone or something new that makes you feel like the rad mama you are!
You may not feel strong now, but believe me mama, you will be soon. Just straighten your crown, and remember who you need to be strong for. Your kiddos need you, they need your smile and your love. So take a deep breath and start again. It’s a new beginning, a new journey and you’re going to make it the best yet.