There is almost nothing more frustrating and hurtful than having your ex say negative or unkind things about you to your children.
Even more important, putting down each other isn’t healthy for your child.
“When you put down their other parent, your children are likely to interpret it as a put-down of part of them,” says Rosalind Sedacca, the founder of the Child-Centered Divorce Network “When both parents are guilty of this behavior, it can create a sense of unworthiness and low self-esteem. It makes them question how much they can trust you and your opinions - or trust themselves…”
And it can be hard to know what to do beyond feeling miserable, angry, and completely helpless. But, there are some actionable steps you can take to make sure you and your child are protected from negativity.
There are real ways of making sure this simply doesn’t happen again.
Make Your Request
First, approach your ex. Politely ask him to stop saying unkind things about you.
Protect your kids from being part of this conversation, and have it somewhere far from where they can hear you. Even if they were the ones who told you what they heard - remember that this issue does not involve them.
Emphasize that speaking positively about the other parent is healthful for your child, and will boost confidence and self-esteem.
Seek Professional Help
If you’re ex ignores this request, and the problem persists, speak to an attorney or family professional about getting help from a therapist, counselor, or mediator.
Talking to your ex with a professional in the room will help you both stay on topic, proactively resolve issues, and move forward in a productive way that helps you to create lasting change in your parenting relationship.
Building a Foundation for Change
By going directly to your ex and requesting what you’d like to have happen, or going to a professional for help - you’re taking real, practical steps toward making your situation more healthful and productive in the long-term.
