Parents have different opinions and objectives, styles and goals, beliefs and strategies. One thing we can all agree on?
Children grow.
And they grow fast. Babies are suddenly toddlers, who sprout into kindergarteners, who are then heading off to high school.
Setting limits means remembering that your child is constantly evolving, “Remember how much they are growing on every level - emotional, physical, mental, and psychological,” says an article in The Huffington Post.
As your child develops, the ground rules and limits you set will need to change too.
How can you set limits that are flexible enough to evolve with your child’s growth and development?
Creating a Healthy, Evolving Structure
As your child grows, reasonable limits will evolve along with them. Here are some simple ways you can ensure your limits are effective.
Build Trust
Build a trusting relationship with your child from the time they are small. Show them that you follow through on your promises, and that in return, trust them to be honest. Show your child that you trust them to stick to the limits you set, and as your child develops, begin trusting him or her to make smart limits for themselves.
Be Consistent
Being wishy washy or inconsistent with your limit-setting will show your child that they can push boundaries and negotiate rules, and will even create a sense of unease. By being consistent, you build a sense of safety, and create the expectation that rules will be enforced.
Stay Open to Change
Your toddler needs specific limits, and so does your seventeen-year-old. Be sensitive to your child’s stage of development, and keep limits flexible as your child becomes mature enough to take on more responsibilities.
Listen
Your child is smart, and will have valuable perspectives on the limits you set. Being a listener shows your child that you value their opinion. Instead of breaking boundaries behind your back, your child will be more likely to come to you first with an idea.
Combining Firmness & Kindness
“If we want children to be internally motivated to behave well, we have to be firm and kind, stay connected to them, and listen to their feelings,” says an article in The Huffington Post.
As limit-setters, our ultimate goal is to raise children who can create healthy limits for themselves throughout their life. As your child grows, entrust them with more responsibilities and trust them to make more decisions on their own.
Remember, you are the guide as your child becomes a smart, emotionally-responsible adult. Be there for them on that exciting journey.
Summary of Part I and II: Part one of this series discusses strategies for limit-setting, and part two talks about how to coordinate with your child’s father to create limits across two homes.
