Resolving conflict takes practice. It does not happen overnight - in fact, some would say it is a lifelong process.
“It is not that practice makes perfect but that practice is perfect, combining effort with an openness to grace,” says psychologist, David Richo.
Practicing conflict resolution is a chance to make progress in your relationship with your co-parent, to find outcomes that will work for you both, and most importantly, come to understandings that will benefit your child.
Here are some simple steps you can take to find the right method for you and your co-parent, and to support your conflict resolution practice.
Discover Your Methods
Here are a few, easy ways to implement a method that works for you both.
Explore Options
Nope, you’re not expected to know how to resolve every argument, disagreement, or conflict on your own. That’s why it’s important to reach out for guidance.
Delve into tutorials, read articles on conflict resolution, or get a good quality counselor who can help you move forward. There are powerful tools out there to help you move forward and resolve conflict with your co-parent.
Be Predictable
Get in a groove where you know when and where you’ll discuss issues. Will you have a phone call on Tuesday afternoons? A coffee shop meeting once each month? Will you only see each other when you’re in counseling?
This means no more angry calls or texts out of the blue, and no more heated conversations during pickup or drop off. By being predictable, you can breathe a sigh of relief knowing arguments won’t affect you when you least expect them - and this in itself provides a more effective foundation for conflict resolution.
Practice. Practice. Practice.
Remember, co-parenting is a long-term collaboration, and resolving conflict with a co-parent will require lots and lots of practice.
Whether you’re going it on your own, seeing a counselor, or using online resources and advice - know that, just like anything else in life, practice will improve your conflict resolution results. So, give yourselves a pat on the back - if you’re reading this article, or even simply thinking of ways to resolve conflict, you’re doing an awesome and amazing job.
Let Your Bread Rise
“Bread takes all the effort of kneading but also requires sitting quietly while the dough rises with a power all its own,” says renowned psychologist, David Richo.
Give your conflict resolution process the time and space it deserves. No conflict was ever resolved in an instant. As days, weeks, and even years go by, you and your co-parent have the chance to find real, actionable ways to resolve conflicts - and that’s where the real magic lies.
Summary of Part I and II: part one of this series talks about ways to manage your mindset, and part two discusses actionable processes for communicating about conflict.
