As a single mom, you have a thousand and one things to think about; from managing finances to shopping for new school clothes, getting dinner ready on time each night to helping your child complete their homework.
Sometimes though, your worries turn from the logistical to the more complex. One of the most troubling worries for single parents is something called “parental alienation”.
Parental alienation - a term coined in the mid 1980s by child psychiatrist Dr. Richard A. Gardner - is when one parent takes steps to isolate a child or children from the other parent through words and conduct.
The first step in dealing with parental alienation is to understand exactly what behaviors might cause the problem. Let’s take a closer look.
So, Just What Behaviors Cause Parental Alienation?
Parental alienation occurs “...when one parent attempts to turn the couple’s children against the other parent,” explains an article in Psychology Today, “...painting a negative picture of the other parent via deprecating comments, blame, and false accusations shared with the children.”
A parent can also alienate their partner or ex by falsely accusing them of abuse or neglect, of persuading others to say negative things about them in front of the child, or even by undermining their authority.
Parental alienation may occur when a parent:
- Insults, scorns, or otherwise speaks negatively of the other parent
- Makes false allegations of domestic violence
- Allows or encourages others to make disparaging comments about the other parent
- Engages and then entrenches the child in the divorce or custody case
- Undermines the authority of the other parent
- Forces the child to make decisions the child does not have the age or maturity to make
- Replaces a parent, or allows the belief that the child has two dads or moms
The Association of Family and Conciliation Courts puts it simply, “children can be manipulated by one parent to reject the other parent who does not deserve to be rejected.”
Breathe Deep, While Staying Tuned In
As a mom, you can spot parental alienation by listening neutrally to the things your child tells you, and by observing their behavior as weeks and months go by.
Remember, parental alienation is more than just a one-time incident. It is, rather, a long-term issue that occurs and develops over time as one parent slowly and deliberately paints a negative picture of the other in front of their child.
Remember, you’re an amazing mom - and you deserve a loving, close connection to your child. In the next two parts of this series, we’ll provide even more information about parental alienation warning signs, and give you some actionable steps to take if you think you may be dealing with this problem.
Want some friendly support from moms like you? Check out the Bonfami community - where you can find like-minded single-moms who cheerlead you through the great times and the tough times alike.
Summary of Parts II and III: In part two of this series, we’ll look at how parental alienation can be harmful to children, and in part three, we’ll explore strategies to deal with parental alienation.
