Why Mastering Your Co-Parenting Schedule Will Boost Your Happiness

Co-parenting can be chaotic; from juggling the busy lives of your children between two homes and coordinating your own work schedule, to taking into account step parent and grandparents schedules, and managing childcare.

“Married parents can get overwhelmed with all the dates, times, locations, activities, responsibilities, and commitments of today’s busy children. Living in separate households can turn overwhelm into chaos,” says writer Karen McMahon

She’s right. Not only are you managing complex schedules, but those schedules are apt to change - very often at the last minute.

“Co-parenting can be hard. There is constant scheduling and rescheduling,” points out an article on co-parenting by Nathan Hughes.

In fact, co-parenting usually involves an almost supernatural ability to manage complex scheduling between multiple children and adults. And this constant scheduling and rescheduling can make even the most level-headed parent feel frazzled.

Do you feel stressed by your co-parenting schedule?

Are you frequently caught off guard by last-minute scheduling changes?

Do you find it hard to keep track of constant activities like school plays, doctor’s appointments, sports games, and

other commitments?

Is coordinating schedules a constant source of stress between you and your co-parent?

If any of these feel familiar, you’re not alone. Many co-parents feel maxed out by the complex task of managing a co-parenting schedule. It can be stressful, overwhelming, and create not only a sense of external mayhem - but an inner sense that you can never feel fully at ease.

“In the context of a happy life, a crowded coat closet or an overflowing in-box is trivial, and yet such things weigh us down more than they should,” points out an article in Psychology Today.

Whether it’s an overflowing refrigerator or a jam-packed family calendar - jumbled or unclear surroundings tend to stress us out. And vice versa.

“Outer order contributes to inner calm,” points out Gretchen Rubin, author of The Happiness Project. When your environment is organized, your internal self can find a sense of peace.

Why?

As organization guru Ari Meisel puts it in one Huffington Post article, “being organized helps with a sense of control.”

And this is especially relevant for co-parents and their complex schedules. For co-parents, having a cluttered, confusing, or chaotic schedule can be a major and ongoing stressor - making it feel like nothing is within their control, and contributing to an ongoing sense of overwhelm.

“The confidence we have in our ability to control our own lives plays an important role in maintaining a healthy lifestyle…” says an article in Psychology Today.

Feeling a sense of control over our own lives affects how invested we are in the future; impacting everything from how we treat our friends and family, to how we deal with stress, and even how healthfully we choose to eat.

And yet, the very act of co-parenting means frequently being in a position where certain elements are outside your control.

“Co-parenting is a lesson in being able to let go...” says Nathan Hughes. And he’s right. Co-parents frequently find themselves in situations where it’s essential to step back, breathe, and let things take their course.

And yet...

If a sense of control is important to wellbeing - and if outer order really does contribute to inner calm, then it makes sense to invest in a process that supports those basic human needs.

So, how can we create a sense of external order that makes us feel we are in control of our lives as co-parents, and therefore, discover a sense of inner peace?

Having a shared calendar will help you maintain outer order, and transforming your sense of inner calm. This helps you to be a better co-parent for the health and happiness of your child.

Here are three ways a shared calendar will benefit you and your co-parent:

Collaborate Clearly

A shared calendar will help you build a productive collaboration with your co-parent. Having a convenient, stress-free place to coordinate schedules and share important dates and appointments will lift stress, and help you both enjoy the benefits of working together.

Know Your Power

A shared calendar will help you see where your power lies. Look at your calendar, and determine where you have control. Are Thursdays open for you and the kids to do something fun? Do you have the kids during spring break this year? Focus your intention and energy on what you do have control of, and this will lift the stress in overthinking what’s outside your control.

Embrace the Peace

A shared calendar will help you discover moments of real inner peace. Acknowledge and embrace moments of calm. Notice when things are working - and focus your energy on those. Simply noticing moments when things are running smoothly will increase your sense of control, wellbeing, and happiness.

Remember that, just like life, co-parenting is a constant learning experience. Within the scheduling framework you create - learn to expect the unexpected, find the joy in moments when things unfold beautifully, and give yourself permission to celebrate when things do go as planned.