We have all heard how important listening is - but just what does that mean?
- How can you show your child that you really hear them?
- What can you do to remain open, even when you’re upset by what your child says?
- How can you make sure your lines of communication last - even as your child grows and develops?
- Are you supposed to say anything while your child talks, or just listen quietly?
- And, what if your child doesn’t seem to want to talk at all?
If any of these sound familiar - then you are definitely not alone.
A lot of people talk about the values of listening, but, it can be a little confusing to know exactly what that means.
Let’s take a look at some real techniques for how to listen actively to your child.
Techniques for Active Listening
Let’s take a look at some easy ways you can become a better listener, and maintain your trusting relationship with your child… even as your child grows and develops.
Get on Their Level
If your child is still small, kneel down while you listen. This puts you on their same level, and makes it easier for your child actually express their thoughts and opinions.
Intent to Understand
“When you are active listening, there is no judgement or evaluation of what the speaker is saying,” says the Center for Parenting Education.
It’s so easy to listen with the intent to respond or fix, when actually, simply listening is enough.
Ask Questions
It is okay to engage your child as you listen. Ask specific questions in response to what your child tells you, so that they know you are really listening.
Disagree
“Perhaps the hardest time for parents to listen to a teenager is when there is active disagreement,” says an article in Psychology Today.
Remember not to shut down when you and your child don’t see eye to eye. Stay open, and make sure you are hearing your child out - without judgement or negation.
Set Boundaries
While listening is important, you are not obligated to put up with threats, insults, name-calling, or other inappropriate behavior. It’s okay to politely tell your child that - while you love them - these actions aren’t acceptable.
Tell your child that you very much want to hear their thoughts, as long as those thoughts are shared respectfully.
Stay Open
Listen as respectfully to your child as you want your child to listen to you. Don’t criticize, cut-off, or negate what your child says. Keep those lines of communication open, so that your child feels comfortable telling you anything at all.
Be Patient
As tough as it is, there will be days your child doesn’t want to share something. Stay patient as your child finds the right time to share their thoughts.
“Parents need to understand that the teenager’s readiness to talk in a seriously self-disclosing way depends on happenstance, emotion, and mood coming into some mysterious internal alignment that set the stage for momentary openness to occur…” says an article in Psychology Today.
Remember, Listening Has Long-Term Benefits
Remember that listening - while it can be hard in the moment - has innumerable benefits; from building self-esteem to encouraging trust, developing your child’s social skills to strengthening your mother-daughter bond.
Prioritize listening today, and watch as it transforms you, your child, and your relationship as the days, months, and years unfold.
Summary of Parts I and II: Part one of this series looks at the reasons listening is so important, and part two discusses ways to build listening into your busy schedule.
