As a single mom, you have probably experienced that sense of nagging worry when your child is over at dad’s house.
You’re not sure how often to call - but you think about the kids constantly. You worry about whether they’re having a good time, and then, you worry that maybe they’re having too good a time.
You miss them. You stress about them. And the whole cycle is exhausting.
So, how can you learn to let go - even a little - while the kids are over at dad’s?
Let’s take a look at two helpful techniques that will allow you to not only stop stressing, but to enjoy the time you have to yourself.
Limit Contact When Your Kids Are At Dad’s
“If and when the kids are with their dad, try to limit telephone contact…” says an article in Divorced Moms, “Let them be (as long as their safety is not a concern, of course), and focus on being you.”
Often, calling your children less while they’re at their dad’s house is one of the most difficult things to do as a single mom. And yet, it’s probably the most effective in helping you let go a little and find a sense of peace.
Practice Embracing What Is
It’s easy to read too much into your child’s thoughts and emotions about dad’s house. Moms often worry that having a less-than-great time at dad’s will harm their kids, or you may even worry that if your child has a great time - it will impact your child’s feelings for you.
Actually, your child’s feelings about dad’s house have nothing to do with you - and in fact, they fall into that oh-so-challenging category of things that are outside your control.
Remember - barring instances of abuse - spending time at dad’s is incredibly important for your child’s development. Give your child space to feel what they feel and think what they think - without letting those feelings and thoughts impact you.
Deepen Your Connection By Letting Go
Stepping back and letting go a little will give you and your children space to deepen your parent-child relationship.
Your kid will feel relieved that you’re okay - and even happy and busy - while they’re at dad’s. Even better, because they see how grounded you are, they’ll express their feelings to you more openly.
Take a step back, take a deep breath, and enjoy the freedom of letting you be you, and your kids be themselves.
Summary of Parts I and II: Part one of this series looked at how to recognize what’s within your control while letting go of the rest, and part two of this series talked about how focusing on yourself is a healthy way to start lessening control of others.
