Grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things that must be changed, and the wisdom to know the difference.
When your child is over at dad’s house, it’s normal to feel anxious. After all, you know exactly what kind of snacks your child likes best, you know the best bedtime, you know how to calm a temper tantrum, and care for a bee sting.
You are a mom - and you’re good at it.
Watching your child hop in the back seat and drive off with dad can be one of the most painful and unnerving experience. Suddenly, the person you love best in the world is with their papa - and you don’t have any control over what happens there.
It’s hard, right?
And yet, expending energy on things we can’t control means we’re neglecting important areas that deserve that energy.
“When we devote inordinate attention to the things we cannot change, we expend emotional and mental energy that could be directed elsewhere,” says an article in the Huffington Post.
As a single mom, you spend huge amounts of energy and time on your child. And there’s one person that misses out: you.
Let’s take a look at some ways you can start letting go - by redirecting your energy.
You Deserve Your Own Life
“...it’s important to schedule time for yourself,” says Parent Magazine, “Even if it’s something as simple as reading a book, taking a warm bath, or having a chat with a friend, setting aside a little personal time will give you a chance to refuel.”
And most importantly, “don’t feel guilty about enjoying the time alone,” says an article in the Huffington Post.
The alone time you have while your child is at their father’s is an important opportunity for you to recharge, engage in a little self-care, and fostering your own sense of wellbeing. By giving yourself the gift of focusing on yourself, you’ll approach your parenting with a greater sense of happiness.
Maintain Your Sense of Self
“Problems arise when moms believe they need to give everything - all their time and attention to their kids,” says clinical psychologist, Jessica Michaelson, PsyD.
All too often, we give up our sense of self in favor of our children. And yet, maintaining your identity and your independence as a person is incredibly important to your wellbeing - and to the wellbeing of your kids.
The days or hours your child is at dad’s house is a perfect chance to nurture your own sense of self. Take the time to work towards your personal goals, to feed your curiosity, and to engage in activities that are fun and rewarding for you.
Having a fulfilling life of your own will actually make you a healthier, happier parent.
Prioritize You!
When you feel yourself start to worry while your child is at their dad’s, redirect your attention towards yourself.
Remember, you deserve both all the happiness of motherhood - and all the happiness of being an independent woman.
Summary of Parts I and III: Part one of this series talked about the power of knowing what you can control and letting go of the rest, and part three discusses how to give the kids space while they’re at dad’s house.
