As a single mom, you probably already know that spending time at both your house and dad’s house is beneficial to your child.
In fact, having a relationship with both you and your ex will help your child perform better at school, decrease stress, increase security and self worth, and even boost physical health.
However, living in two homes presents some challenges. Your child will certainly have to adjust to the contrasting lifestyles you and your ex choose to live.
As the Huffington Post points out, “Differing values regarding discipline, curfews, homework, eating habits, after school activities, etc. can create confusion in your children…”
So, without compromising your own lifestyle choices, how can you create a sense of consistency that helps your child adjust better in each home?
Communicate Regularly
Talking to your ex is probably not at the top of your favorite-things-to-do list. And yet, it is so important when you’re trying to create consistency between two homes.
“...strike up a conversation with your ex and discuss ways in which you can agree on some rules in both houses…” says an article in the Huffington Post, “Focus... on the benefits to your children when they experience consistency and agreement between their parents.”
The Co-Parenting Helpguide recommends that you, “Think about communication with your ex as having the highest purpose: your child’s wellbeing.”
Accept Your Differences
Remember, there will be differences in your parenting styles - and that’s okay.
“Children are resilient. If your co-parent is unwilling to change, continue to do your best,” says the Dupage County Family Law Firm, “Rather than dwelling on the issue, which will only lead to further tension between you and your ex, trust that your children will adapt.”
Accept your differences while also looking for moments of common ground is a great first step towards finding consistency.
Take a Deep Breath, and Trust That Things Will Work Out...
Remember, as frustrating as it can be to create consistency between two homes, your child is truly benefiting from the time with both you and their dad.
“Unless your family has faced serious issues such as domestic violence or substance abuse, co-parenting - having both parents play an active role in their children’s lives - is the best way to ensure all your kids’ needs are met and they are able to retain close relationships with both parents,” says a Co-Parenting Helpguide.
Know that you are on the right track, and that your efforts positively affect your child.
Summary of Parts I and II: In part one of this series we looked at the importance of not sweating the small stuff and in part two we looked at ways to focus on bridging the divide between the two homes.
