Maybe it is hard for your child to fall asleep at the regular time, maybe they forget to say “please”, or, maybe the opposite happens, and they return with impeccable table manners.
“It’s not uncommon for one parent to notice behavior differences in their children when they return from a stay with their other parent,” says an article in the Huffington Post.
Every household will do things differently, but, as we’re discussing in this three-part series, creating some consistency between mom’s house and dad’s house can be hugely beneficial to your child - affecting everything from emotional wellbeing to behavior in school.
As one Co-Parenting Helpguide points out, “Co-parenting fosters similar rules, discipline, and rewards between households, so children know what to expect, and what’s expected of them.”
So, how can you bridge the divide, and create more consistency between your child’s two homes?
Get a Mediator
A third party can hear both you and your ex’s ideas and opinions, and help you find common ground with your parenting.
“...sitting down with a respected family law mediator can be beneficial all the way around,” says an article in the Huffington Post, “He or she knows no bias, but instead that person will help you work through your differences - those rules that are so opposite - and offer suggestions on how to close the gap”
Whether it’s a counsellor, a law professional, a clergy member, or a non-violent communication mediator; a third-party can help you take leaps and bounds with your parenting.
Be Gentle
Remember, even if you notice behavioral differences in your child - that’s normal, and your child will likely need a little time to adjust.
“Allow the time to transition back into your home after an away-stay with their other parent,” says an article in the Huffington Post, “Remind them gently about the way we do things in your house and don’t jump on them for infringements in the first hours after their return.”
Giving your child a chance to adjust back into life at your home will help them with the transition, and ease the stress they may feel while heading back and forth.
Remember, By Sharing the Parenting Responsibility, You are Already Doing a Great Job...
Children benefit from having a loving relationship with both mom and dad. Simply spending time in both homes is already helpful to and healthy for your child.
Before you get anxious about finding consistency, give yourselves some accolades for all the hard work you are putting into raising your child the right way.
Summary of Parts I and III: In part one of this series we looked at the importance of not sweating the small stuff and in part three we will discuss the importance of communication when building consistency for your child.
